


They Could've Stayed

by peglegMeglikeskegs



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Comforting Bucky, Crying, Drunk Driving, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oneshot, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, breakdown - Freeform, emotional breakdown, self blame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 04:59:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8131291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peglegMeglikeskegs/pseuds/peglegMeglikeskegs
Summary: Steve runs away and Bucky goes to find him.  But the truth he finds is more harrowing than he thought.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings at the bottom.

Down a few halls, up the stairs and Bucky finally found Steve.  He was staring out the window, arms wrapped around him as he stood stiffly.

Bucky knew that this was Steve’s third favorite spot in the school to look out, 7th overall.

“Buck, you gotta see it.  Like _really_ see it.  Especially in the fall, when the leaves are just – oh it’s great, just wait.”  Bucky can hear Steve say excitedly to him.  Bucky could listen to Steve talk about colors in nature as long as Bucky could watch Steve’s face light up in happiness.  Which is a given, for every time Steve gets to discuss his art and painting he acts like a child explaining his new toy at show and tell.

But there was no mix jollity or tranquility in his face now.  No, Steve was biting his lower lip and he looked equal parts miserable and despondent.

“Stevie?”  Bucky called out cautiously.

Steve jerked, startled by the interruption.  He turned to Bucky, somehow still able to display a wretched shock look on his face.  But once he saw his friend he worked hard to fit a mask of nonchalant serenity.

“Oh hey Buck.”  The pitch in his voice was higher than usual and chagrined Steve cleared his throat and attempted to push down his hurt even more. 

The obvious effort it took was painful for Bucky to watch.

“I’m sorry for running off, I felt sick and claustrophobic and I didn’t want to bring everyone down.”  Steve babbled his feeble excuse while gesturing in the air with one hand – a tell-tale sign of how nervous Steve really was.  But he kept his arms in close and Bucky really wasn’t sure what to make of that.

Bucky shook his head.  “No don’t apologize.”  He hesitated, not sure how to bring up the next part.  “Um, Tony said he was sorry.”

Steve visibly flinched at the mention of Tony’s name and Bucky tried hard to not visibly wince himself.  But Steve, noticing Bucky’s uneasiness, just gave him an edgy smile and gestured with his hand again.  “It’s nothing, Tony’s stories just weren’t sitting right with me.”  His smile widened but he just looked pained.  “Tony has some pretty crazy stories every now and then.  I shouldn’t have gotten so weird about it, I’m sorry.”

“No Steve, it’s -”

“No I’m sorry.  If I didn’t freak out you could’ve stayed and listened to more stories, I’m sorry.  Tony tells some wild stories, you could’ve stayed and listened.  I’m sorry Bucky.”

Bucky was watching Steve perplexed.  It may have been the first time Steve didn’t just roll his eyes or scoff good-naturedly at Tony.  But what was more confusing was Steve’s insistence on apologizing for everything.

Or maybe it was heartbreaking.  Bucky wasn’t really sure but he’s not taking the time to figure out his own emotions right now.

“Steve if you were really upset you should tell Tony that.  I’ll be the first to admit that he can be really insensitive about some of these things.”

A strangled laugh escaped Steve and Bucky watched him wrap his arms around him even tighter.  “No, no I was overreacting.  I shouldn’t have gotten weird and you could’ve stayed and everything would’ve been okay.”

“Stevie you’re not making much sense,” Bucky replied not unkindly.  “You were upset and left, so I wanted to make sure you were OK.”

Steve shook his head and bit his lip again.  “No I’m okay, I’m fine.  Really, I’m sorry you came up.  I’m sorry, I’m fine.”  He began to pace back and forth, every so often mouthing the words ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I’m fine’.

Bucky’s sorrow turned to mild panic as he observed Steve slowly spiral downwards.  “Stevie you don’t have to keep apologizing.”

“Yes I do, because it’s my fault.”  Steve shot back earnestly.  “It’s my fault, and I’m sorry and I have to keep apologizing because I never got the chance to apologize and I’m sorry but I’m fine it’s no big deal they could’ve stayed.”

“They?”  Bucky asked trying to mask the alarm he felt.  “Who are you talking about Stevie?”

Steve stopped abruptly, his body angled towards the windows but not really seeing what was beyond.  Bucky’s heart hammered in his chest but he made no move to step closer.

“My parents.”  Steve finally whispered.  His voice was seeped with agony and his shoulders hunched in on himself.

“What about your parents?”  Bucky asked in a calm and low voice.

“They could have stayed.”  The clear hurt in Steve’s voice was painful to Bucky to hear but he forced his head clear to listen seriously.  “I never should’ve complained and they could’ve stayed put and I wouldn’t have to apologize.”

“What are you apologizing for?”

Steve took a breath in to speak but a choked sob escaped instead.  “Their deaths.”

Bucky’s stomach dropped and he covered his mouth with his hand.  Steve turned around, his arms still around him, tears in his eyes, and pure suffering on his face.  “I was scared at a sleepover and I had my parents come and get me.  They were killed by a drunk driver because I couldn’t sleep without my mom and dad there tucking me in.”

“Oh Stevie,” Bucky breathed.  Now he could see why Tony bragging about driving home drunk and not getting caught would set Steve off.

“They could’ve stayed!”  Steve grounded out furiously, tears leaking from his eyes.  “If I wasn’t so _scared_ I wouldn’t have called and begged for them to pick me up!  Then that drunk driver would’ve never hit them and I wouldn’t have to feel so goddam guilty every day.”  Steve convulsed as he tried to unsuccessfully reign in another sob, but he only hunched further in on himself.  Bucky had to purse his lips to try not to weep.

“Steve,” Bucky cleared his throat and blinked.  “Stevie that’s not your fault.  You _know_ that’s not your fault.”

A watery sob was the response from Steve and he angrily pressed his hands to his eyes to dam the flow of tears.  “Think about it Bucky!  I was scared, so I called my parents, and they came to get me and were killed.  If I wasn’t scared, I wouldn’t have called my parents, and they wouldn’t have been killed.  _I_ was scared, ergo it’s my fault.  It’s my fault, it’s…it’s my…”

Steve’s emotional turmoil finally won out and he gave into the need to cry.  His shoulders heaved with the force of his sobs and the tears flowed freely.  Bucky marched to Steve and wrapped his arms around him tightly.  Unsurprisingly Steve resisted and attempted to wriggle away but Bucky held on tight.

“Listen to me Steve,” Bucky whispered feverishly.  “That was _not_ your fault.  There is no way that your parents getting killed by another person was your fault.”  Steve continued to cry as Bucky continued to hold him.  “Stevie that man decided to drink and get behind the wheel, you did not make him do that.  You _mustn’t_ blame yourself for your parents’ death, please Stevie.”

Steve finally went limp and sagged against Bucky, giving into the embrace.  His head dropped against Bucky’s shoulder as he wept.  Bucky brought a hand to the back of Steve’s head and rubbed circles on Steve’s back with his other, letting a few of his own tears slip down his cheeks.

“I love them,” Steve’s sob muffled from Bucky’s shoulder.  “I love them so much and I miss them so much.”

“And they loved you too.”  Bucky whispered as Steve cried harder.  “Stevie they loved you so much and I _know_ that they don’t blame you.”

Steve’s sobs turned to cries, which slowly morphed into snuffles and whimpers.  Bucky held him through it all, occasionally whispering comforting words and rubbing his back or stroking his head.  Eventually Steve straightened up and gave a quiet sniffle.  Bucky held Steve’s face in his heads, wiping the stray tears away.

“Thank you for staying,” Steve said hoarsely. 

Bucky gave him a warm smile.  “I’m gonna stay with you Stevie.  Whether you ask me to or not, I’m staying with you.”

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: mentions to minor character deaths, past death by drunk driving, brief mention of drunk driving
> 
> Here's a short little thing I needed to get out! I'm working on my next fic but just had to get some angsty feelings out before I exploded!
> 
> I am on tumblr, although my page is quite pathetic on its own. But I’d love to get to know more of you so feel free to check me out [here!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/peglegmeglikeskegs)


End file.
